Self Doubt

A few weeks back, I decided that it was time to think about running again. I’ve been off of running, and religiously doing my rehab, spending lots of time at physical therapy appointments, and generally trying to “be good” and not go back to running too soon. Approaching my fifth month of not running, I started to ask if I’d been good for long enough.

With a PT appointment on the books for Wednesday the 12th, I decided that barring an absolute prohibition due to imminent injury, I would start running again next week. Time to be bad, I thought, and run even if the therapist tells me not to.

Well, Wednesday’s appointment came, and I was given the greenlight to run again. Of course, by run I mean run/walk for 10 minutes, then 15, etc, for 6 weeks before thinking about running on its own.

But still, a green light.

What happened next caught me off guard.

I came home Wednesday evening and settled into a funk of massive proportions. I’d run/walked for 10 minutes, and aside from some critical words about my form, it all went well. Why so glum?

Well, now that I’m allowed to run, the universe of obstacles is settling onto my shoulders, ready to thwart any progress I’ve been dreaming about for months. I CAN run, but what if…

It hurts?

I’m bad at it?

I’m slow?

I’ve gained too much weight and can’t lose it?

I get injured again and have to start all over?

I realize that I need to cut this s--- out. Negative self-talk, my old nemesis, has no place in my plans. I need to listen to more Run Selfie Repeat (love that podcast), stick to my new plan, and be excited, not scared, that I can run again. That I get to run again.

The Long Road to Wellness

After Chicago, time off did not help me feel better. I slowly started back up, started running a few miles a few times a week, and it still didn't feel right. So, I finally went to an ortho. Stress fracture in my left tibia, likely dating to the Wrightsville Beach Half in March 2016. In a boot for a month, then physical therapy. MRI on my right hip showed no issues, so intensive work strengthening the stabilizing muscles was recommended.

Fast forward a little more than two months. I'm seeing the physical therapist every two to three weeks, where my progress is tested. My core is weak, my left ankle is weak, and I continue to have significant deficits in my stability on both sides. In between PT appointments, I see the athletic trainers once or twice a week to do my exercises plus specific extra work. And... I get to use the AlterG, which is just about the coolest thing ever!

My current routine is biking to/from work (3.5 miles a day), yoga once or twice a week, my half hour of PT exercises every day (for the most part), and one or two sessions a week with the trainer. I'm up to 20 minutes of 2 minutes at 5.5mph and 1 minute at 3.3mph, at 60% bodyweight. So, a mile and a half of running twice a week.

Part of me is incredibly frustrated that I am basically not working out. I have been watching what I eat and drink, and I've lost maybe a pound or two since the beginning of the year. I'm still at least ten pounds more than I should be, and I'm no closer to the running performance I know I have in me than I was four years ago when these persistent injuries started.

But...

I know now that I am where I am because I keep coming back to training without putting in the work to get all the way better, without fully addressing what made me stop training to begin with. I've spent the past four years bouncing back and forth between injury and training while not fully healed. I know that to get to where I want to be, to be in the shape I want and running the way I know I can, I need to spend the time strengthening, healing, and paying attention to what my body is telling me. However long it takes, I know I need to be committed to being well before I can commit to a return to running.

So, here I am. Almost 33, out of shape, but much healthier mentally than I have been in a while. I know what I need to do. I am eating right, keeping hydrated (thanks to the good folks at Nuun), and doing the work I need to do.

So let's go. I'm finally ready to make it happen.

I know this might come as a surprise...

Credit: http://runnersconnect.net

...but I managed to injure myself, a month out from Big Sur. My left calf and arch started bugging me during the Wrightsville Half, and continued to feel really tight through the next week. I ran my 20 miler (too fast, I'll admit) last Saturday, and it felt a bit worse. Sunday, limpfest 2016 began. I went running Monday morning- or tried to. I managed 2 miles, averaging over 11 minutes per mile.

Maybe it is just soreness from the 20 miler, I thought. Maybe I just need to stretch and foam roll more, I thought. By Tuesday, I made an appointment with Dr. Jason just to be sure. I ran Wednesday and Thursday for less than my full schedule, at a very slow pace. I didn't want to be short on miles during what should be my peak training week.

Well, it turns out that this particular pain, which I thought was just tightness, is posterior shin splints. Luckily, I failed the stress fracture test (I mean, I don't have one). I didn't even know that was a possibility!!!

No running until at least mid-next week, and maybe not even then. It sounds like it should be back to normal in about 3 weeks. Good think my race was 3.5 weeks from when I was given that prediction!

Needless to say, I'm a bit panicky. What if I get to the week of the race and it is still bothering me? If it is possible to give myself a stress fracture by running on it with the shin splints, would I go ahead with the race, or have to sit it out?

I'm going to be positive, and assume that I will be able to run. I was almost to my taper anyway, so I won't lose too much fitness. I can pool run in the interim, so that is where you'll find me for the next few weeks.

Road to Big Sur: Finishing 20 miles!

Couch, coffee and Kindle after my run!

I'm only finishing week 7 of my 18 week training cycle for Big Sur, but I completed my first 20 mile run yesterday. While that may be a bit early, I am relieved to know that I can get through a 20 miler, and that I have more than two months left to build on my efforts. 

Since I did a Hansons training plan for the City of Oaks Marathon in November 2014, I didn't do a training run longer than 16 miles. We all know how much that ended up biting me on race day, and for the year of hip pain that followed. I just wasn't prepared. 

Getting to 20 early on this time, and having time to drop down and build back up twice more will hopefully give me the base and the confidence I need to tackle Big Sur. I know I will need it with those hills!

And now, I am looking forward to a week of 6-7 milers, most of which will be in Portland, Oregon!

Jumping In

It has been a long time, but I am cautiously optimistic that I am ready to jump into a real training schedule. Three years of building up and falling down are behind me, and it is time to put myself to the test.

I didn't necessarily plan on taking a few months off from running, but I ended up taking off the late summer. Travel, my hip feeling worse before it felt better after my PT visits, and general busyness/laziness equaled a lot of sub-10 mile weeks.

After March or so, I didn't run more than 5 miles at a time. After the past few years, I started to doubt whether I'd ever be good at running again. Guys, running is hard. And it seems so much harder when you remember how fun long runs used to be, and how terrible even short ones are now.

The Bull City Race Fest Half Marathon approached, and I made the call to switch down to the 5 miler. I doubted that I could even do that without embarrassing myself. If stopped going to group runs because I felt too slow. Not a real runner, my inner doubter would say.

Well, the Race Fest went well. I held a sub-8:00 pace for the race, without a watch, which was a nice surprise. It wasn't difficult. I was tired later, but the race reinstalled my faith that I am not incapable. Just untrained.

With a few months of PT under my belt, and a pretty solid adherence to my exercise regimen, I decided to start a schedule after I returned from my trip to California. I ran an easy 15-20 mile a week plan on Smart Coach, ending when I am supposed to start training for the Big Sur Marathon in December. With pretty much no base, this will be key to not immediately failing at the first few weeks of marathon training.

I've finished my first week of consistent running, topped off with a well-paced 8 miles alone on Sunday. (I didn't bail!) I have a few weeks to pick a training plan for Big Sur, and then I'll be off on my 18 week journey to my 7th marathon! 

Race Report: Charleston Half Marathon

As you may remember, I registered for the Charleston Marathon quite some time ago, around the same time I registered for the Raleigh City of Oaks Marathon. Eleven weeks apart was no problem to this non-planning, sometimes injured runner. Well, Raleigh came and went, and I limped away with a sore hip that just won't quit. I decided to step it back and run the half at Charleston, and try not to make things worse.

Switching down to the half allowed me to not feel so bad when my runs around the holidays were less consistent, and when I took a few extra days off after driving 12 hours to/from Michigan (wow, did that make my hip sore!). It also allowed me to not make a real plan, and arrive at the starting line with a vague idea of what I wanted to do that day.

My initial thought was, of course, to run fast. I knew close to my PR (1:39) wasn't happening, but maybe 1:45? Luckily, I thought better of that plan, and settled on something closer to 1:50.

Amy, Lara and I before the race.

Searching the crowd Saturday morning, I found Lara and Amy, ready to run Amy to a new PR. The goal was a few comfortable minutes past my 1:50 idea, so I decided running a 1:55 with friends would be a much more fun time than potentially struggling through a 1:50 alone.

The first few miles of the course were very pretty, along the waterfront and historic section of Charleston. We ran through the shopping district on King Street, where I started in envy at the latte-clutching spectators. Someday, I'd like to have a coffee mug that I can run with.

After maybe mile 6, the course gets not so scenic, which may have contributed to Lara backing off a bit. Amy and I chugged along, hitting or exceeding the pace for a 1:55 finish every mile.

But... we noticed that our miles were not matching up with the course markers... at all. After about mile two, our watched beeped exactly .3 miles before the mile marker was posted. And so did everyone else's. Since I wasn't going for a PR, I didn't think much of it, and chalked it up to someone putting the signs in the wrong place. But the mistakes continued all the way through the finish line, where we hit 13.4. Let's just say Amy was not pleased.

We finished just under 1:55, for an average of around 8:33 per mile for the 13.4 distance. Shiny PR for Amy, frothy beer for Kendra! Lara came in soon after, and we found our guys up to no good cheering us on at the finish.

As for the extra distance, lo and behold, the lead car took us down the wrong street in the first few miles, adding distance. To the race's credit, they are certifying the course we ran and adjusting our times soon. I know Amy will be happy with an even shinier new PR!

We had a great weekend in Charleston, and I had a fun time running a race with friends! Cheers!

Race Report: Raleigh City of Oaks Marathon

This medal is almost as big as my face!

I came, I saw, I conquered? 

No, that isn't accurate.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times?

No, though more accurate. I think I'll go with a gem from James Joyce:

Mistakes are the portals of discovery.

On Sunday, November 2 (two years and eleven days after breaking my leg), I finished the Raleigh City of Oaks Marathon in 3:57:55. This finish was not my goal (meeting my PR of 3:50), but another finish under four hours is always welcomed. Here is how it happened.

I set out in the 42 degree chill at 7AM, planning to run around 8:45 for the first half of the race and speed up later if I could. 8:45 put me exactly on track for a 3:50 finish, and didn't seem too far fetched considering my training. I wish I had my Garmin summary so I could be more accurate, but that was lost in the ether when I tried to upload it.

I ran the first eight miles around 8:25 to 8:30, too fast as always. I felt great. It seemed that there were more downhills than up, or at least the uphills weren't as bad as I'd anticipated. I stuck to my nutrition plan (for maybe the first time ever!), having a Gu or Clif Bloks at two miles, then every five miles after. I drank water, but not too much.

Around miles 9 through 11, I slowed a bit, to 8:45 to 9:00 or so. More hills had appeared. I still felt fine, and felt good about being closer to my goal pace. I continued right around 8:45 through the half marathon point, and reached the 15 mile marker, where Neil was waiting, two minutes ahead of target.

The first half or so of the race snakes through downtown Raleigh, which was very exciting to run through. I especially enjoyed passing all of the historical markers at a pace that allowed me to actually read them for once. After heading out of downtown, the race hits the Greenway, where I knew to expect both beautiful scenery and some killer hills.

Heading out along the Greenway, the course goes past Meredith College toward the North Carolina Museum of Art. I realized early on in this segment that being in downtown had been shielding some not insignificant wind, which was now making the run a bit more challenging. No matter, I felt fine.

Unfortunately for me and my grand plans, just after I hit the 16 mile mark, my right hip started screaming with pain. Right hip? But I thought the left was the injured leg? Well, the series of injuries (both my broken leg and an earlier car accident in June 2012) have caused me to favor my left, putting strain on my right. As a result, my right hip is soooo tight that I can barely sit cross-legged. During mile 16, I thought I'd quit when I got back to the spot I'd seen Neil, which would be mile 20. Through 17 and 18, I thought I might stop at the next aid station and quit there. I was going well past 9:00 per mile, and was crossing my fingers that the pain didn't indicate permanent damage.

Luckily, by mile 19 or so the sharp shooting pain retreated a bit, and I was able to speed up. Still hurting, but much less so. Needless to say, my 3:50 goal had flown the coop.

Coming in to the 20 mile mark.

Seeing Neil at mile 20 was a relief, and helped me slog on back towards downtown along the Greenway. Mile 22 brought the worst hill, but I was expecting it. (Side note: The San Francisco Marathon is way hiller than this race.) We exited the Greenway after Meredith College, and made our way along a short out before turing back and heading into downtown.

The last few miles were tough, but I knew I still had a chance at a sub-4:00 finish. I reeeaallly didn't want to go over 4:00. I'll forgive my terrible first marathon, and even my 4:02 at Rome (due to a packed course that stopped dead several times), but I will not accept another finish over 4:00! My strategy involved math right before every mile marker, subtracting the appropriate number of miles from 26.2 and calculating that, at each mile, I could run as slow as 10:00 miles and still make it.

Make it, I did. I crossed the finish in a bit over 3:58 gun time, and headed over to Neil just past the finish. He helped me grab my sweat check bag, and helped me limp to the food area, where I downed a donut and two pieces of pizza before grabbing my delicious Lonerider Peacemaker Pale Ale.

Almost there!

So, getting back to the quote I began with, what mistakes did I make, and what did I discover? My main mistakes, as always, centered around not doing enough PT, both for my injuries and for preventative maintenance. I didn't really foam roll that much. I taped my leg religiously, but that wasn't enough. If I want to continue to run marathons and not feel like my leg is about to fall off, I need to stick to an aggressive stretching and strength regimen that deals with my hip and joint issues. Lesson learned!

Now, to decide if I have enough time to remedy these issues before my next marathon, which is January 17th!

It's Almost Here!!

Race day is fast approaching. I am excited, but it also doesn't quite seem real.

After my half marathon two weekends ago, I took my prescribed eight mile run Monday. Close to the end of the run, my left hamstring felt not right, which continued into the next day. Combined with weird foot pain that started late in the race, I figured I should stay off my feet for my taper.

The plus side of not running during taper is the taper crazies don't feel so bad. The "I'm injured- will I be able to race?" crazies set in, but that is an entirely different animal. More of a worry than a crazy, I'd say.

Last Saturday, I went out for eight miles, and my hamstring was awful. My feet weren't so bad, though. More time off, it is! I went out yesterday for an easy five miles, to decide if I'd be running the full marathon, switicng down to the half, or not running at all.

The run went fine, so I guess I'm racing. Yikes! Time to get my outfit ready!

Thanks, John and Jackie!

Yesterday, as I slogged through work, I had my blog page open to post about beginning marathon training for the Raleigh City of Oaks Marathon on November 2, and how excited I am to be doing yoga again. It has been a great week, getting set up with a training plan (thanks, Carol!), doing a quality track workout on Tuesday, and doing yoga five times in the past week. I didn't get around to writing that post yesterday, but my first week of training isn't over yet, right?

Wrong! I went out for an easy 6 this morning in the 7AM humidity. I got to 2.3, tripped and fell. And boy, did I fall. I hit the ground knees first, and rolled all the way over. When it was done, I just sat there, gushing blood from a deep cut on my right knee (and my right hand, left knee and elbow, though those are not too bad).

I don't run with a phone (perhaps rethinking that), so I was mustering the will to get my butt up and across the street to a coffee shop to ask to use a phone. A nice couple (John and Jackie) stopped to see if I was okay, and offered me a ride home (about 1.5 miles away). I certainly didn't say no. Jackie even helped me up the stairs since I was pretty dizzy.

11 hours and a doctor visit later, I have a knee taped shut to heel, with instructions not to get it wet for at least 4 days. Well, I guess I won't be running in the humidity until Monday, then!

I'm super thankful to have two very nice people stop and help me, especially considering that the dizzyness took about an hour to subside. Thanks, John and Jackie! You made a bad morning much easier on a bruised runner! And thanks, of course, to Neil for helping me once I got home, when I was in fine form for sure.

The sweet getup I'll be wearing for the next week. 

I'll add a PSA here: I'm glad I had my RoadID on this morning, like I always do. If I'd been worse, I was certainly too confused to know all my details!

Race Report: Tar Heel 10 Miler

This post is a bit belated; running this morning's NCRC Half Marathon reminded me I was delinquint. Better late than never...

Not finding any half marathons with openings in April or May, I settled on the Tar Heel 10 Miler for my first "real race" since breaking my leg and not really running for a year and a half. Being in late April, I had the tail end of March and half of April to get my mileage up.

I picked up with the Bull City Running Group, a nice group of (mainly) women who run from the South Durham area, usually from Bull City Running Company. The standard is 8 miles at 8 every Saturday. I managed that, plus 2-3 days of 3-5 miles during the week, without needing to backtrack or stop completely like this time last year.

With school and rugby, Neil wasn't able to run as much, but came out for the 8 miles most weekends. We decided not to push it too much at the race, but aim for 8:45 to 9:00 average pace. Of course, I wanted to go faster, but I mostly wanted us to run together.

We started out at the Bell Tower on UNC Chapel Hill's campus at 7:30 on April 26th, and easily settled into our goal pace. In fact, despite rolling hills through Chapel Hill, I pushed us a bit faster. Once we started doing sub-8:30 miles, I stopped telling Neil our splits, so that he wouldn't think I was having us go too fast. I knew we could do it.

The Tar Heel 10 Miler is known for the Laurel Hill Challenge, which is a section near the end of the race that is allegedly a hill a mile long. In our estimation, it is a mile and a half of uphill, with some short flatish sections. In either case, there is a chip timing mat at the start and finish of this section, so you know your pace for that section, plus your overall pace at the end of the race.

The race winds through UNC's campus, and through some very nice neighborhoods in Chapel Hill. It finished in the stadium on campus, which reminded me of the Shamrock'n Half Marathon, my very fist half marathon, in West Sacramento.

Nearing the stadium, we sped up, and finished in 1:26:34, or 8:39 average per mile. Our pace for the Laurel Hill section was 9:39, so not too bad for a few flatlanders on a long hill!

Throughout the race, I felt like I could go faster. I didn't, because I wanted to run with Neil. But I knew that I could do a bit more. Two days later, this ambition pushed me to register for the NCRC Classic Half Marathon, set to be my first half marathon since October 2012! Exciting!

My Garmin details for the race:

Race Report: NCRC Classic Half Marathon

After about a month of running about four days a week, with 8 miles every Saturday, I started itching to run a race. Several reasons: to see what I could do, to see how I would fare on the hills, and really to know how far I still had to go to "be back" from my injury. Neil and I had signed up for the Tar Heel 10 Miler, but since we'd be running together, I felt it would be a good test of my abilities.

The trouble is, I couldn't find any late spring or early summer races that were close by and didn't cost an arm and a leg. I settled on a fall half.

Fast forward a few weeks to mid-April. Neil and I ran the Tar Heel 10 Miler. He hadn't been running too much, mainly just the Saturday 8 milers and weekdays when he could. School and rugby take priority. We had planned to run together, so I settled on an achievable goal of 8:45 per mile average. I wanted to be closer to 8:30, but didn't want to go too fast, for both of our sakes.

To make a long story short (and I need to write a race report still anyway), I kept us under 8:45. We finished in 1:26, at an average of 8:39 including the 1.5 mile hill towards the end. And I'd felt like I could have gone faster, and further.

I needed a race. Soon. To test myself.

Coming in for the finish. Photo credit: Kate F.

Luckily, several of the ladies I run with on Saturdays had decided (after watching Boston) to run the NCRC Classic Half Marathon, which I didn't know existed. So I signed up.

The race came early this morning, with carpool from Lara's at 6. I initially wavered, thinking I'd run with the group. Just doing the 13.1 would be a test. The starting gun sounded, and my body made the decision for me. I went for it.

First off, the course is beautiful. The race is mostly inside Umstead State Park, which has a fairly even bridle trail that is small gravel most of the time, larger stones some of the time. The course is shaded by lush green trees, with the forest all around. The rolling hills, and several steeper hills, pose a challenge, but that seems to be par for the course in this part of North Carolina.

My goal had been 8:30 to 8:45 like the last race, but I not-so-secretly wanted to go faster. You know, testing myself and coming home with a PR would be nice. Knowing that would not be happening, I thought anything under 8:30 average would be a nice result.

The early hills were a bit challenging, but aside from a minor side cramp I did better than anticipated. I even maintained a pace that allowed me to pass the 1:50 pace group for a time. Leading up towards the halfway mark, more than a mile of hill slowed me down. The 1:50 group overtook me; though I hung on for a while, they left me behind around mile 8 or so.

One of my main "findings" from my test is that my hips are tight. Really tight. At some points, I felt as though they would just pop out of the sockets if I sat cross-legged on the ground. I need to work on flexibility in a major way if I want to make it "all the way back" to pre-leg-break fitness.

In the final miles, motivated by beautiful scenery and generally feeling good, I pushed through at a decent pace. Not sure what it was because the pretty trees gave my Garmin a hard time, but in the upper 8 minute per mile to low 9 minute per mile range. With some early quick miles banked, that seemed fine.

I turned the last corner, saw 1:54 on the clock, and sprinted in for a not-too-shabby 1:54:27. Good enough for 5th in my age group, of 58. Not a PR by any means, but a decent finish for a hilly race on cautious, low-mileage training with no speedwork.

I think I have my work cut out for me for my fall race schedule!!

In case you're interested, here is my Garmin snapshot:

Changes

A lot has been going on for me in the past few months. While working my way back into running, as I've occasionally posted about here, I was also working my way toward moving to the East Coast. Well... now I'm here!

After our fun Thanksgiving race, getting ready and moving across the country forced me to put running on hold. Saying that feels like a cop out, but it really is difficult to fit a full-time job, time with friends (whom you will soon not see very often), and packing into the schedule. And to be honest, the rest didn't all fit, even when I neglected running. I didn't manage to finish packing before the day I filled my shipping container, and certainly didn't manage to get the number of visits in.

I did pack cold weather gear in the car for our cross-country drive, but running through a foot of snow in Michigan over Christmas just wasn't happening. Snow apparently makes my leg worse, and the conditions were pretty bad a lot of the time. Oh well.

The important thing is the move happened, and now I'm slogging my way back into running. No more excuses, right?

Being in Durham is certainly different. The weather isn't as mild as I'm used to, and it is seriously hilly. Nothing makes me feel more humble than attempting to run longer and faster on hills.

Truthfully, I'm having a bit of a pity party and not feeling "like a runner." Yes, this is silly. No, that doesn't make it any less true. I need to get over it, but it is hard to shake the feeling, especially after more than a year of not really running.

The good news is that I've found several groups to go run with, and a few people that may let me tag along. I just need to get the courage up (read: stop feeling too slow to go running in public) to go out with a group. I know it will make a difference. Joining the Buffalo Chips a few years ago got me to where I was as a runner, and finding a good group here is likely to do the same.

Lots of changes over the past few months, and certainly more to come.  The first big change in February will be getting back into running, for real this time.

And here is a goal to get me motivated: Mountain to Sea Trail 12M

Nothing's Gonna Stop (me) Now

I've been hesitant to write anything down in this blog, in case jinxing oneself is a real thing. Running has been going well since early October. I'm doing (a paltry) 3 miles 3 times a week, with no real problems to speak of. I even made it to 4 miles this past Sunday, and it felt great!

Taped up!

Every other week I've been going to the physical therapist for ultrasound in the hopes that it helps my LCL heal faster. With the guidance of my PT, I've been trying out kinesio tape instead of my knee strap, since the strap it tight on my calf and is likely to cause issues once I get over 5-7 miles. The tape worked well when he put it on, but when I tried on my own, not so well. Hopefully I'll get the hang of it soon.

Despite my rosy outlook, I'm a little bit wrecked. I'm sore all over, and yoga last night was a struggle! Perhaps running 3 times a week, yoga 3 times a week, and climbing 2 times a week is too much for my lazy body?

Well, I have one thing to say about that: suck it up, body! Because I'm not slowing down!

So Far, So Good

A few weeks back, I got the okay to start running again. The painstaking buildup from scratch is a topic I've covered, so I won't belabor its' annoyances again. The bottom line is that I'm up to 2.5 miles at around 8:30-9:00 minutes per mile on average, and I seem to be doing fine.

It certainly feels nice to get back to running, even if it is short distances, and even if I am huffing and puffing a bit. The nice thing is that I'm going fairly slow on purpose; I feel like I could go faster. I feel like I could go farther, too, but I'm trying to take it slow.

The really nice thing is that Neil and I get to run together again, and I'll definitely be able to do the Thanksgiving Day race!

At the top of Jupiter Peak!

I assumed after my hike up to Jupiter Peak in Park City, Utah last month that I was ready for some running. With my trusty leg strap in place, I did eight miles roundtrip, with about 7,000 feet elevation gain, and felt fantastic. I'm glad I was right!

On the Road Again

Equipped with a strap to do the work my LCL isn't doing, and with new exercises from my physical therapist, I'm going to start running again tonight. I'll be doing the painstaking build up back to actual running again, but I've had a sports medicine doctor and a sports-trained orthopedic surgeon give me the go-ahead to start back up!

Now that I'm not scared of doing more damage (well, not scared by my former doctor, at least), I'm hoping to be running again in time for a Thanksgiving-day race in Detroit with my guy and his family. We'll see if I can manage the Turkey Trot 10k, or just the Stuffing Strut 5k (actual names, folks, I'm not making this up). I'm excited to have a new plan!

I'm going to ease back in, and hopefully be doing a (measly) three miles three times a week in two weeks. Then, try to gain some speed back. We'll see how it goes. I may not be able to run CIM like I'd planned back in March (when I signed up, only to re-injure myself), but maybe the relay is within reach.

Spring marathon, here I come?

Light at the End of the Tunnel?

I stopped posting here when I stopped feeling like anything I had to say was progress towards running again. While I have veered into non-running topics here, for the most part I like to blog about running, racing, and the accompanying feasting that often takes place. Motivation is hard to find when there seems to be no end in sight to my doctor-ordered rest.

Over the summer, I dutifully attempted to stay off my leg, so that whatever stupid piece of connective tissue that is easy to reinjure could heal. And I just didn't feel like it was healing. When I would walk the slightest distance, it would flare up for days. I don't mind pain, but when my doctor told me it meant I wasn't healed and couldn't run for months, it gets frustrating. 

One of my running friends told me that my doctor, formerly her doctor, had advised her not to run for six months, which she ignored and ran two weeks later after seeing someone else. Maybe my doctor is too conservative. It never seemed right to stay off my leg when it hurt; losing muscle and being inactive don't seem like strategies to get back in the game.

So I sought out a new doctor. 

After seeing the new doctor (still a Kaiser Sports Medicine doctor), I have a new support to wear to take some of the load off my injured leg while I regain strength. I have an appointment with a surgeon in a week to see what options I might have. And I have a few experimental treatments to think about. I feel much better, even if I'm still running. Not having to be afraid of walking to get coffee, or go on a really short hike, is such a nice feeling.

I have a long road ahead, with how long it has been since I was running (almost a year!). I'm unstable, have very little muscle, and am a worryer. But I really want to run. And thats all I need. 

The Long and Winding Road

It has certainly been an interesting ride. I was remarkably zen about breaking my leg and being out of commission for fall and winter marathon season, despite being on track to set a major PR or perhaps BQ. I thought, I did something silly, and I'll suffer the consequences. At least I didn't tear anything, or have a bad break. Its just eight weeks, I thought.

Approaching a full eight months later, my tune has changed. I felt sluggish and out of shape when I initially came back after December and January of slow PT. I was frustrated in March when I learned I'd injured some soft tissue and had to sit out everything but PT for a month. Against my best efforts, I was pretty down on myself after immediately re-injuring my leg after the rest period, setting me back at least another eight weeks.

I've been a good girl, or as good as I can manage. I'm doing my PT about five times a week, and doing my best to stay off my leg. Okay, I go outdoors and walk a bit, but nothing too far or difficult. I'm doing my best to get better without going crazy sitting indoors.

The long and hopeful road to recovery leads me to Kaiser tomorrow morning for an MRI. My doctor is skeptical that it will be useful, since the area I injured is small and difficult to see. I'm really hoping that I can finally get an answer to why my leg still hurts, eight months and countless hours of PT later. Will the slow but stead PT be effective eventually, or will I need to do something more drastic to recover? Hopefully, tomorrow's test will reveal an answer.

Despite the setbacks, the past eight months have been some of the best I've had. My broken leg caused me to meet the most fun, caring, amazing man, turning my supposed bad luck upside down. I've managed to learn so much in my "downtime" from running, appreciate the little things each day brings, and look forward to a time when I'll be running again.

It will happen. Look out!

Grumble Grumble

I haven't posted in an embarrassingly long time, because I haven't run in an embarrassingly long time. After starting up a bit more slowly than I liked, I got up to five miles a few times a week. I started feeling sluggish during runs. My injured leg seemed to ache more than it should.

In the meantime, I started a new job, to which I would walk (about a mile). Being a the activity enthusiast that I am, I set up a standing desk. I took the stairs (4 flights) instead of the elevator.

But my leg hurt. So I went to the doctor. At first, she thought I may have rebroken my leg (despite the fact that I was told that was very unlikely). Turns out, I sprained some stupid tiny ligament right above the break site. I must have sprained it when I broke my leg, and reinjured it after ramping up my running. She said my hip muscles weren't strong enough to support the running, and my leg rolled in.

Here I am, five months after breaking my leg, with another month of rest. No running, limited walking, and no climbing (since it aggravated it). I can only ride my bike. Oh joy. Grumble.

I moved to midtown, and I can't walk around and enjoy it! In fact, moving probably set back the healing even more. Grumble.

This June 16th, I won't be running the San Francisco Marathon as I'd planned. That really bummed me out, so much so that I (ironically) haven't really started my PT in a real way. I went to the gym to do weights once, and I lost one of my resistance bands in the move. So basically, I'm slacking on doing the things that will get me running again. Shame on me...

Calamity Jane

Last Saturday, I actually ran for 20 minutes (no walking). Despite all of my connective tissue being very angry with me, I was super excited to ditch walking and get to running again.

I drove down to San Jose, and went outdoor climbing at Indian Rock (Castle Rock State Park in the Santa Cruz mountains) on Sunday. It was a blast! I took some falls (on toprope, of course), and managed to get scraped up a bit. Halfway into the drive home, I noticed that my right ankle hurt. By the time I reached Sacramento, I could barely stand on it. Oops.

Needless to say, I haven't run this week. I stayed away from yoga most of the week as well. Climbing on Tuesday brought on a worsening of the weird pain in my left bicep that I've been feeling for the past month. On Wednesday, the pain was radiating down my entire left arm. I climbed a few easy routes Thursday, felt the twinge, and went to yoga instead.

My body seems to be trying to tell me something. Maybe it is just stress, and some rest will provide a cure. At least I rode my bike to work yesterday, providing some cardio to offset my beer-drinking.

This all just goes to show that if it isn't one thing with me, it is something else.

Excuses, Excuses

I've been in a rut. After I progressed my run/walk ratio up to 3/2, progress halted. By 20 minutes in, my leg hurt at the break site. I got discouraged, and figured I'd be better off taking some time to rebuild muscle and stability, then trying to run again.

The reality is that run/walking is not motivating at all, and I felt like a total tool being on the treadmill at the gym. I hit a (small) roadblock, and decided to quit, at least for a bit. It was easy. I rode the recumbent bike a lot over my holiday break. I burned myself out on weights and climbing, and I'm now climbing 11bs!!! I forgot about my rehab. Bad news.

With the second full week of January came the realization that I have to get back to running. I can't just give in to the lack of accomplishment I feel when I run/walk for a half hour. If I want to do long runs, compete in races, and be myself again, I have to do my time in rehab. Period.

Friday I did an easy 30 minutes of 2/3, and today I did my first 3/2 without pain! According to my PT, once I'm past 4/1, I can go straight into running! By the end of the week, if my hectic schedule and motivation don't get the best of me, I could be running for a solid 20 minutes!

A girl can hope...